Friday, March 12, 2021

Our Infertility Journey.

Our Infertility Journey.... as I write that it still stings a little to say. 

The thing I wanted MOST in life was to be a wife and a mom. And most of my 20s were spent wanting the first part of being a wife and that journey took a lot longer to happen then I wanted and there were a lot of tears involved in that process also. But when I was 28 I met my now husband, and we got married just 2 years after we met, right after I turned 30. So just from an age standpoint I knew we couldn't wait too long to start trying to have a baby, but we also just wanted to enjoy being newlyweds for a bit! 

So around the first part of 2020 we kinda casually started trying, we all know what a year 2020 was so at first I didn't think much of it, but by the summer after I tracked my ovulation for a couple months I knew something was a little off, so after talking to my OBGYN she put me on some meds to help with my cycle and then we continued to try and wait and try and wait. And for anyone trying to have a baby you know the roller coaster of emotions that every month brings. And the last 4 months of 2020 were REALLY hard because every cycle started around a big event, first my birthday, then our anniversary, then it was Thanksgiving and of course Christmas. And I tried so hard to not get my hopes up but it just happens and you dream about how you will tell your spouse, friends, and family. And then you are completely heartbroken every time it doesn't happen. And I would be angry at myself for even having those hopes and dreams! 

So after months of trying  I kept saying, "okay if we don't get pregnant by the first of the year we will start talking to my doctor about next options." Which looking back seemed so scary and I think made things more real that this might not happen in the way I dreamed it to happen. I think moving towards steps of getting help with fertility meant I was going to have to mourn the loss of getting to surprise my husband we were having a baby in a fun way. Which I know might sound so silly, but when you spend months just wanting to see a positive test and dreaming up this plan it's hard to let go of that vision, even though I 100% would do anything to be pregnant and have a baby.

So 2021 hit and the first steps for us were getting my husband check out, these steps are probably so different for everyone, as doctors plans of actions are different along with every person. I have come to find out that I am very lucky and my OB has been very helpful in letting me get some test done and giving me meds before we had even been trying for a year. So I had previously gotten blood work done and everything from those test looked good for me. So we got my husband tested and got the report back, and while the results weren't the best they also weren't the greatest and it was the first time my doctor recommended us seeing someone else and looking into maybe going to see a fertility doctor. And I honestly thought hearing those words were going to be hard to hear, but I feel like at this point it was like okay something isn't right, lets make the steps to figure them out. Now don't get me

wrong I wasn't happy to hear any of this, but it wasn't as crushing as I thought.

That was the day I really felt like our Infertility journey started and where I really started digging in deep on changes we could make, things we could do, and taking in all the knowledge I could on infertility. 

We have our first appointment on Monday to talk about my husbands results and it's another waiting game and while I am trying to be hopeful there are just so many unknowns to this whole process that are really scary. 

And I am writing all this because I feel like it has already been so helpful and healing to hear so many women's stories and paths of fertility that maybe this will help someone else in their journey. And if you know me you know that I do enjoy documenting life and things so having this space to remember this journey I think will be healing for me through this process. 

So here is the start of hopefully getting our little baby! 



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