Third time is a charm....right??

 Third time is a charm they say right? 

Well here's to hoping that as we move onto our 3rd IUI treatment. It pains me a little to even have to say that. To think that we are already on to #3 and that 2 IUIs already failed. These last two cycles have been pretty hard to cope with and I have tried so hard to hold on to the hope of it all, but when it feels like everything is "right" and it's still NOT WORKING it's hard to hold on to the hope of it all. 

 

These last few weeks I have definitionally felt more at peace with knowing that God does have a plan in all of this, and even when it's not working out the way I want it to, I know his hand is on this journey. BUT that doesn't mean there isn't pain and that doesn't mean I don't have strong feelings about each cycle failing. But I do have more peace, I just wish the peace helped the sadness go away, or keep me from feeling all the feels. 

 

The hardest part of Infertility is that EVERY month it doesn't work you are grieving this loss, but you never get to fully grieve it and work through it all because you quickly swept up in another cycle that you want to put all your hopes and positivity into. 

 

BUT 18 month of doing this has been A LOT, and if this next IUI doesn't work (but man I am hoping it does!) we are going to take a much needed break from it all. It doesn't mean we are giving up on this dream, but until you have walked in the shoes of infertility you can't imagine the burden it all becomes and the pain you are carrying every month moving on to the next, so a break is what we NEED.

I truly wish this wasn't my story, when this last cycle failed it definitionally felt like this bad dream I was in, like how did this happen to US, and when can it be over...

 

I am hoping that a month or so from now we are getting to share amazing happy news, but if we aren't please keep us in your prayers we we move on to some time of rest and start thinking about what the next best steps are for us to grow our family.